Marriage counseling is something you can take part in if you are having major problems in your relationship, but you can also use it simply as a way to improve your somewhat-decent marriage. If you currently have an average marriage that you would describe as mediocre, you may want to take it to the next level to have a better marriage. If this is something you are interested in, a marriage counselor can teach you a variety of ways to do this, and here are three principles that you could use to achieve this.
Aim To Give More Than You Take
One of the best principles to keep in mind at all times in marriage is that your aim should be to give more to your spouse than you expect. This principle is something you probably actually wanted to do when you started dating your spouse. In fact, he or she probably aimed high at this too. Over time, though, this principle seems to start dwindling away with married couples, but you do not have to let it.
Instead, try hard each day to serve your spouse. Try to do things you know he or she would like. Try to value your spouse's needs more than your own. If you can both do this, you might be surprised by the improvement you see in your marriage.
If you cannot get your spouse to agree to do this with you, try doing it yourself. In some cases, the other spouse will follow along with it shortly after one spouse begins using it, simply because that spouse is feeling nourished in the relationship.
Be Selective With What Bothers You
A second thing to consider doing is being very selective with what bothers you, because letting every little thing drive you crazy will not help your marriage at all. Nobody is perfect in life; everyone has their quirks, and you can choose how you respond to these. The best thing you can do is to try to work through the really important issues and let little issues slide.
For example, is it really a huge deal if your spouse forgets to put his or her cup in the dishwasher? Something like this can drive people crazy, but it really isn't worth a fight if you think about it.
If there are things that happen that bother you, a good rule of thumb is to wait 24 hours before saying anything to your spouse. If you are still really bothered by the event at that point, then you can bring it up and let him or her know how it made you feel.
Adapt With Each Other And Rewrite The Rules
The third principle to consider is being open to adapting with your spouse. Over time, people change, and this is something a lot of spouses fail to recognize and respond to in ways that are healthy. You are probably not the same person you were 5 or 10 years ago, and your spouse probably isn't either. As you age and mature, you will both change, and making the necessary changes in your marriage is a normal part of marriage. In fact, if you can appreciate these changes and adapt to them, your marriage is likely to be happier.
Some relationship counselors may suggest rewriting the rules to your marriage every 5 years. This means that you should sit down together and talk about how your marriage is going, what needs to change, and how you can both become better spouses.
These are just three principles that you may want to use in your marriage, but there are so many others. If you would like help finding ways to improve your marriage, contact a marriage counselor today. If you want to learn more about a counseling center online, you can check it out here.